Can we foresee the future that is long past our ability to fix what was broken. As my wife and young son were interviewed under strick rules at the airports immigration not knowing what to expect when they came through the final gate to see what was a broken man with limited expression on his blank face that was pain and fear of the unknown within him. The moment came when they came around the corner with intimidating look on her face and very little was said to each other. My son didn’t speak English only his foreign language that I didn’t speak and I was disillusioned why she didn’t teach him my native language at all. How was I going to communicate with this young boy that was my son. As day’s and weeks went by with more communication with my son and my wife things started to feel more comfortable, we were talking about our life and a little bit about the future that was our young sons next step. I felt more and more comfortable in my expression towards our future together, things were looked brighter and brighter every single day there was a light at the end of my unhappy tunnel that I called life. But what I didn’t know was there was a alternative motive behind those piercing eyes of hers. What happened next was so unsuspected I was unsure if I would ever see them again…
There was a thought in my mind as my world was turned upside down with most feelings of truth pulled from my life. Living on a lonely road finding no happiness in sight so far away from my empty life without my baby boy living 4000 miles away. As months turned into years before I heard from my toxic wife. The next time was when she wanted me to make contact with our son now almost two years old and she was looking for money to support them to come to see me 4000 miles away. Why now I thought to myself but with much hesitation, I sent her a little bit money. As there arrivel was approaching rapidly not knowing what to expect because we were still married, well maybe we can make it work after we had time apart. Deep inside I still loved her so very much even though she was toxic for me to live in my lifestyle drinking, smoking and doing drugs. Let’s see if we still had feelings for each other after all. When the day arrived at the airport I was so nervous I couldn’t stop shaking with fear and excitement, what’s going to happen nexted.
The story unfolds with the truth about myself.
When I saw them there standing at the arrival gate at the airport. I started with tears running from my eyes. I didn’t think that my pain was real until I allowed my emotional feelings to come from within me. But was it real emotions, I wasn’t sure that my tears where for them or for myself for coming 4000 miles back into a toxic environment. This is what I need to figure out in my thoughts that I was feeling. Did I real want to be here for more pain in my life. This was making me uneasy about why am I here 4000 miles away from my real life, I thought to myself. Was this a selfish act on my part just arriving to see my little baby boy.